EggJr

"if you don't puke with pure delight we're not happy."


Egg Junior says tighten-up!

Bad Days and Bad Timing

Have you ever noticed how family members always misbehave at the most inappropriate moment... read more

Humor Quotations - Top 35 Funny Quotations by Famous Comedians

"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the aver... read more

How I Spent my Summer Vacation

One of the best parts of a vacation is the positive outlook you derive from pleasant antic... read more

Miss Cleo Was a Fake... NO - Really? YES Maaan!

With her Jamaican accent Miss Cleo, a self proclaimed psychic and shaman would give you th... read more

The Patience of Job

Voltaire said, "God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh." T... read more

Dumb Luck

I've never really thought of myself as being funny. I don't have much of a sense of humor ... read more

How To Get Attention, or: As You Read This, You Feel an Irresistible Urge to Go On Reading!

We all want attention. As children we crave the attention of our parents. Later in life, w... read more

The Spare Parts Gremlins

Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure you do. Everybody does. That's ... read more

Setting History Straight

Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the name Artie Seymour? Probably not. But yo... read more

Sweet Vengeance Purrfected

I love animals but cats are my favorites. There's just something about them that makes me ... read more

Short Story: Take a Trip To The Temple Of The Great Tomato

Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer. Far from it, Jimmy has had t... read more

Space, and the Room for It

Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.

read more

Wanted: Treadmill for an Elephant

Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983... read more

Not Your Average Sunday Morning

Just recently my ex-husband stopped in to visit during his vacation. In the course of smal... read more

Painful Lessons from the Maternity Ward

Whoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never sleeps" should visit The Maternity ... read more

Nine Movies That Make You Want To Yell, Stop Saying That

Movie moments are nice things to share with the people you care about. Most of those shared moments consist of "Remember that one part when the guy with the thing?" and before they can finish you're interjecting with your own vague, "Oh totally, I love that part!" But occasionally this process extends beyond an inner circle and goes global in its reach. This is where a perfectly fine movie goes to the realm of annoying, because of our need to repeat the catchy lines contained within them. Here is a completely subjective list of movies that have been ruined by our need to copycat.

1. Austin Powers ? "Oh behave." Remember that period after the movie when fairly normal people couldn't resist putting their pinkies in their mouth and incorporating the word shag into a sentence. Oh, that's right, no one wants to remember that. Thank god there were two more movies with the same jokes to remind us.

2. The Godfather ? A fantastic epic that spawned a generation of bad Marlon Brando impersonations. Sans cotton balls. The most overused, dumb line: "It's nothing personal, it's strictly business." Yeah, and I'm the president of Uzbekistan. People that buy into and repeat this line must have forgotten that the same people who proscribed to this guff also chopped off a horse head and put it into someone's bed.

3. Jerry Maguire ? What started with a nice moment between two deaf people signing in an elevator, "You complete me," has somehow ended up with people saying to waiter's at cheesy Italian Restaurants, "You had me at our specials for tonight are." Lucky deaf people.

4. Napoleon Dynamite ? The newest entry, and along with The Godfather combines two elements of mimicry. You can't just say the line, you have to do it in the voice of the performer as well. How could this possibly go wrong?

5. Scarface ? Oh man, give me coke! Give me everything! And after that I'm going to introduce you to my little friend and go down in a blaze of glory! Isn't drug dealing swell! All right, I know that's not the point, but ask any guy what their favorite movie is, and I guarantee not one of them is saying, "You know that Out of Africa was pretty fricking good. Remember when Robert Redford said....." Oh, who am I kidding, I'm a guy; this movie was perfect. Repeat "Say hello to my little friend" as much as you want.

6. Caddyshack ? Not for the lines that are said, but for the fact that nobody can remember what the lines are. If the lines were so memorable, why the hell are we constantly butchering them on the golf course?

7. Warriors ? All right this isn't a good movie, but saying "Warriors, come out and plaayeeeaay" is the equivalent of yelling "Freebird" at a concert.

8. Taxi Driver ? No one's looking at you. Stop pretending that someone is.

9. Forrest Gump ? Why did copying what a mentally retarded person had to say seem like a good idea? No, life isn't like a box of chocolates, most of the time we know what we're getting.

Travis Cloud is a freelance writer from Seattle, Washington.




EggJr - Cracked, Scrambled and Fried Humor
Jokes, Funny Pictures, and Strange Stories
Buy Phone Card Online | Culinary Art Schools | Free Phone Search