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EggJr "if you don't puke with pure delight we're not happy." Egg Junior says tighten-up! |
A Dogs Guide To... Getting Your Dog to Stop BarkingI like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do about it? Well, if you'... read more Space, and the Room for ItSpace exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it. Bed Bugs BiteI just turned on the news a minute ago and wondered why there weren't news flashes regardi... read more Dumb LuckI've never really thought of myself as being funny. I don't have much of a sense of humor ... read more 25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding HelmetA welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one is welding; however, the... read more Miss Cleo Was a Fake... NO - Really? YES Maaan!With her Jamaican accent Miss Cleo, a self proclaimed psychic and shaman would give you th... read more Maybelle Misfire Joins Mega CorpTo: Maybelle Misfire When It Rains, It Pours: Creating a PlanIt's time for me to announce that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. I keep them ther... read more Funny Things We DreamI often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready to start the day. When I was younger I'd whac... read more How To Marry A Wealthy GuyHow To Marry A Wealthy Guy (or Girl... Or at least Make Sure they're a Good Money Ma... read more He Had It Coming, Your HonorThis past week as Mr. Man and I lounged around our sprawling estate, I realized that my li... read more The Work-from-home Fashion PrimerLast week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online marketing geeks had cho... read more Starbucks Going into HiltonWell, I hope you did not read that headline wrong, Crew Member Starbucks is not doing Pari... read more Painful Lessons from the Maternity WardWhoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never sleeps" should visit The Maternity ... read more Slip-sliding On A PeelEvery day, or at least every other day, we make a fruit smoothie at mid morning. Almost wi... read more |
The Spare Parts GremlinsDon't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure you do. Everybody does. That's why Online marketers throw in 36 bonus ebooks with that little software item they are peddling. But a little something extra is not always a good thing. Flash back a few weeks. I was assembling a dresser for my daughter. One by one, I pulled the wood panels from the box. I pulled out a bag of bits and pieces, which was attached to another, which was attached to another, which was attached to another. I held up the chain of bags to inspect. There were screws and bolts and dowels and nails and an assortment of metal and plastic bits for which no name exists. I set about banging bits into boards, sliding bits into boards, screwing bits into boards, snapping bits into boards. By the time I reached step 439 of the instructions, I was finally ready to connect two panels (the bottom and one of the sides). But wait. What's this semi-white plastic half-moon piece? And what about this black plastic tube no more than an inch long? Where do these mystery pieces go? I reread the parts inventory ? every chapter of it ? in English, French and Spanish. I took a magnifying glass to every page of pictograms. But not a trace of either mystery piece. What should I do? I could not just throw them away. What if I discover next week that I really need them? That's when I remembered the "Spare Parts Gremlins". These devious creatures gleefully toss spare parts in where they will most confuse us. The Spare Parts Gremlins were there last Christmas when I was picking from a box of chocolates. I wondered what the big round one was? I looked at all the little drawings, but it just was not there. I toyed with the idea of just tasting it. But what if it was coffee flavored? I don't like coffee. (Yes, I know. My mother dropped me on my head when I was young.) What if it was mint flavored? Sorry, but chocolate covered toothpaste just is not my thing. What if it was cheesecake flavored? Mmm. No, that would be just wishful thinking. "Ooh. I hate you Spare Parts Gremlins." The Spare Parts Gremlins were there at the movie theatre. We were watching The Matrix Reloaded, a psychological action film, when all of a sudden a love-making scene popped out of nowhere. Neo and Trinity were expressing their friendship in a way that only a man and a woman can. The camera switched back and forth between the couple and a mass party of gyrating hips and earthy rhythmic music. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy gyrating hips as much as the next person, but the scene was out of context like a cowboy at a tea party in an English garden. The Spare Parts Gremlins strike again! Gremlin One: Hey, I have a love-making scene here. It's sort of a primal Amazon thing. What should I do with it? Gremlin Two: We have to find a totally unrelated film. What about The Matrix Reloaded? Gremli n One: That's perfect! You just never know what gremlin will show up. You have to be prepared. Take a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. That's it. Stay calm. OK, continue with your life. So here I stand with one dresser, two plastic parts that I don't dare throw away in case they actually are needed somewhere, and the fear that the Spare Parts Gremlins are lurking somewhere in my house, ready to force "a little something extra" on me again when I least suspect it. About The Author The author is David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy, author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness at http://T heHappyGuy.com/happine ss-self-help-book.html and publisher of Your Daily Dose of Happiness at http://T heHappyGuy.com/daily-h appiness-free-ezine.ht ml. Visit his web site at http://T heHappyGuy.com. |
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EggJr - Cracked, Scrambled and Fried Humor
Jokes, Funny Pictures, and Strange Stories |
