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EggJr "if you don't puke with pure delight we're not happy."  Egg Junior says tighten-up! |
American Independence ? The True StoryIt was late in 1775, and King George III was at Buckingham Palace, sitting in reflective m... read more Saving SpongeBob Using High TechPut Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobs Spong eBob has been in the news a lot la... read more Finding Lost ChildrenA couple of days ago I had to go to a dealership to get my car fixed. I am not implying th... read more And the World Goes RoundIf you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you are permitted to snicker at this problem. Anc... read more Funny Things We DreamI often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready to start the day. When I was younger I'd whac... read more Restaurant Manager Gives Out Sexual Favors As Performance Bonus, RaiseWhile many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of an imminent job-related p... read more How To Get Attention, or: As You Read This, You Feel an Irresistible Urge to Go On Reading!We all want attention. As children we crave the attention of our parents. Later in life, w... read more Poor Rixs Almanac 8-13-05Dear Poor Rix: A guy just invited me to a football game. I do not understand this event. C... read more Poor Rixs Almanac 8-27-05Hey, Poor Rix: What do you think about school food? ? Former Student Poor Rix ate lu... read more Sell [Your] PhonesToday while driving I saw a young girl, probably around 11 years old, on a cell phone. She... read more Dog Poo - And You Thought You Had ProblemsIn Southern Germany in a town by the name of Bayreuth, the German police are in a quandary... read more Not Your Average Sunday MorningJust recently my ex-husband stopped in to visit during his vacation. In the course of smal... read more Got Originality?There are many ways to be original these days. But unfortunately I cannot reveal any of th... read more Space, and the Room for ItSpace exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it. Coffee Tips (and the Elimination Thereof)I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments, and I'm not r... read more |
Very Precise Fortune CookiesI cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little slip of paper on the inside. Immediately I realized that it had been written by a weather forecaster. "You will be approached in the late afternoon by a pink polka-dot octopus..." It continued on the other side: "... and asked to provide details of your application for a yellow cloud mulching permit." Two things struck me about this particular fortune. The first is that they have come a long way in their ability to predict exactly what will happen and when, just like weather forecasters. This is undoubtedly due to recent technological developments. Laser technology, for example. Nano technology. Robotics. Bioengineering. And so many other specialized fields have been developed to points of precision unimagined just a generation ago. And it's not just the weather forecasters. In London, Ontario, specialists are performing microscopic cardiac surgery on patients miles away using a robot named CSTAR (Can't you just wait for new parents to start naming their children after the famous surgeon, CSTAR?). This has opened up the door to many benefits, such as sending robots to remote locations without having to worry about a surgeon replacing the wrong organs due to jet lag. But the real benefit was revealed when one surgeon confided in me: "You know the world is a better place when we don't have to scrub our hands before surgery anymore." I can call anybody in North America on the telephone and they will answer in real time. Not only is this a better response than I can give people face-to-face, but the telephone cables direct my call to the exact person I want, saving the other 400 million telephone subscribers the inconvenience of having to say, "Wrong number...again!" Just a few decades ago, Switchboard Suzie was manually connecting everybody. "Jani ce Land? No problem. I'll connect you." CLICK. "No, wait. I wanted to speak to Janet Lam. Hello?" My father can pinpoint the exact amount of blood sugar he packs in his veins. Not very long ago, people could not care less how much sugar was in their blood, as long as they had plenty of it in their double-fudge sundaes. Yes technology has come a long way, allowing us to send and received very specific information in great detail and in great volumes, allowing such thrilling 21st century innovations as spam (I know, I know, the great spam innovators you admire most did their heroic deeds in the 20th century, but you ain't seen nothing yet!) Despite the volume of information I receive in my inbox, there is one very disturbing element to all this extra free information, which brings me back to the second thing that struck me about my fortune cookie message. It was wrong. I waited all day for that pink polka-dot octopus to approach me, and it never did. Just because modern technology can deliver huge volumes of laser-detailed information, does not make that information valuable or even accurate. Which brings me back to the revelation that a weather forecaster is now writing fortune cookies. Weather forecasts have become increasingly more precise. For instance, I am told that today it will hail in the town just east of here and be sunny in the town just west of here. Once upon a time, the forecast would be simply "Sun and hail expected to pass through the region." Less accurate and less wrong. Just as useless, though. Maybe we should hire CSTAR to make the fortune cookies. Surely CSTAR would deliver fortunes that are not only precise but also accurate, right? As a bonus, the pastry chefs won't have to scrub their hands before baking. And I wouldn't have to wait for a pink polka-dot octopus all afternoon. About The Author David Leonhardt is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven http://s earch.barnesandnoble.c om/bookSearch/isbnInqu iry.asp?ISBN=059517826 X Read more personal growth articles: http://w ww.thehappyguy.com/sel f-actualization-articl es.html Visi t his liquid vitamins store: http://w ww.vitamin-supplements -store.net O r his happiness website: http://w ww.thehappyguy.com |
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EggJr - Cracked, Scrambled and Fried Humor
Jokes, Funny Pictures, and Strange Stories |