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EggJr "if you don't puke with pure delight we're not happy."  Egg Junior says tighten-up! |
The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go on"? When you hear it, you think o... read more Mexican SpaminatorWhen we decided to move to Mexico, one of the most exciting things that popped into my min... read more Discover the Lighter Side of the InternetWe all know the Internet is a great tool for finding out information and sharing knowledge... read more Tales of a Spectator SpectatorWatching the fans at a minor-league baseball game is just as fun as watching the players. ... read more The Language of AppalachiaImagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few years ago and learned that I do, indeed, ... read more Lactose Intolerant? It could be a good thingLactose Intolerant Individuals may prove a bonus in Space Missions. Lactose intolerant ind... read more Do Americans Really Understand Irony?Let me start by saying that 'I am an American' Ok, there I have admitted it. But let me go... read more Important Safety Tip$I was given a list of Do's and Don'ts of interacting with people who have dementia. I've m... read more Saving SpongeBob Using High TechPut Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobs Spong eBob has been in the news a lot la... read more Local Author Joins History and Humor To Tell His StoriesJoseph Yakel was born and raised in New York's Capital region, and calls this place home. ... read more And the World Goes RoundIf you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you are permitted to snicker at this problem. Anc... read more 25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding HelmetA welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one is welding; however, the... read more Painful Lessons from the Maternity WardWhoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never sleeps" should visit The Maternity ... read more Norm Goldman Interviews Comedienne Fran Capo,the Guinness Book Worlds Record for the Fastest TalkingToday, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel & Bookpleasures is delighted to have as a g... read more When It Rains, It Pours: Creating a PlanIt's time for me to announce that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. I keep them ther... read more |
Very Precise Fortune CookiesI cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little slip of paper on the inside. Immediately I realized that it had been written by a weather forecaster. "You will be approached in the late afternoon by a pink polka-dot octopus..." It continued on the other side: "... and asked to provide details of your application for a yellow cloud mulching permit." Two things struck me about this particular fortune. The first is that they have come a long way in their ability to predict exactly what will happen and when, just like weather forecasters. This is undoubtedly due to recent technological developments. Laser technology, for example. Nano technology. Robotics. Bioengineering. And so many other specialized fields have been developed to points of precision unimagined just a generation ago. And it's not just the weather forecasters. In London, Ontario, specialists are performing microscopic cardiac surgery on patients miles away using a robot named CSTAR (Can't you just wait for new parents to start naming their children after the famous surgeon, CSTAR?). This has opened up the door to many benefits, such as sending robots to remote locations without having to worry about a surgeon replacing the wrong organs due to jet lag. But the real benefit was revealed when one surgeon confided in me: "You know the world is a better place when we don't have to scrub our hands before surgery anymore." I can call anybody in North America on the telephone and they will answer in real time. Not only is this a better response than I can give people face-to-face, but the telephone cables direct my call to the exact person I want, saving the other 400 million telephone subscribers the inconvenience of having to say, "Wrong number...again!" Just a few decades ago, Switchboard Suzie was manually connecting everybody. "Jani ce Land? No problem. I'll connect you." CLICK. "No, wait. I wanted to speak to Janet Lam. Hello?" My father can pinpoint the exact amount of blood sugar he packs in his veins. Not very long ago, people could not care less how much sugar was in their blood, as long as they had plenty of it in their double-fudge sundaes. Yes technology has come a long way, allowing us to send and received very specific information in great detail and in great volumes, allowing such thrilling 21st century innovations as spam (I know, I know, the great spam innovators you admire most did their heroic deeds in the 20th century, but you ain't seen nothing yet!) Despite the volume of information I receive in my inbox, there is one very disturbing element to all this extra free information, which brings me back to the second thing that struck me about my fortune cookie message. It was wrong. I waited all day for that pink polka-dot octopus to approach me, and it never did. Just because modern technology can deliver huge volumes of laser-detailed information, does not make that information valuable or even accurate. Which brings me back to the revelation that a weather forecaster is now writing fortune cookies. Weather forecasts have become increasingly more precise. For instance, I am told that today it will hail in the town just east of here and be sunny in the town just west of here. Once upon a time, the forecast would be simply "Sun and hail expected to pass through the region." Less accurate and less wrong. Just as useless, though. Maybe we should hire CSTAR to make the fortune cookies. Surely CSTAR would deliver fortunes that are not only precise but also accurate, right? As a bonus, the pastry chefs won't have to scrub their hands before baking. And I wouldn't have to wait for a pink polka-dot octopus all afternoon. About The Author David Leonhardt is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven http://s earch.barnesandnoble.c om/bookSearch/isbnInqu iry.asp?ISBN=059517826 X Read more personal growth articles: http://w ww.thehappyguy.com/sel f-actualization-articl es.html Visi t his liquid vitamins store: http://w ww.vitamin-supplements -store.net O r his happiness website: http://w ww.thehappyguy.com |
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EggJr - Cracked, Scrambled and Fried Humor
Jokes, Funny Pictures, and Strange Stories |